day thirty-three: harvest(ing) hope

Hope can be difficult to cultivate. It's a delicate crop, one that's easily killed by frosty desperation or scorching fear. But the agency we donated to today has found a way to not only plant seeds of hope, but also to have those seeds grow...even to the point of cultivating the crop.

Jesus is the King of Kings, then Harvest Hope is the Food Pantry of Food Pantries. It is a food distribution center that helps stock food pantries of other organizations (e.g. United Ministries, the kitchen at the Rescue Mission, etc.).

And despite the name of the place, it doesn't seem very "organic" to drop off a box of food, and much less at a warehouse. When I did this morning, it felt so much like a transaction.

But maybe a box of Cheerios or a can of tuna could be a seed of hope for someone. After all, by the time a crop is ready to harvest, a lot has happened and it usually doesn't resemble the seed that was first planted - the seed has to germinate, take root, a shoot has to grow, then the crop has to bud and bear fruit.

As I dropped off this food, I thought of all it would go through: From the warehouse to different food pantries, then eventually to someone's home (or maybe to a homeless person's tent). Still, at the end of the process, maybe someone will be able to harvest a bit of hope from the seed we planted today.

The baby is ready to get this stuff out of the car...

They had me pull up to a loading dock...overkill for the two boxes of food we donated.

Finally! My car is empty! No more canned goods or water bottles!

day thirty-two: fertilizer

*Warning: This post contains adult language. Reader discretion is advised.


"Mary, Mary, quite contrary: How does your garden grow?"

One thing's for sure: It's not with silver bells and cockle shells. You've got to fertilize.

Today Suzy took mushroom compost to the organic garden at Travelers Rest High School (her alma mater, and also where my cousin Kevin goes to school...Go Devildogs!). Suzy walked into the school office and told them she had something for Ms. Chance, the teacher who oversees the garden. The lady at the front desk said to leave the bag with her, so Suzy plopped this bag o' compost on the desk...

...which sucks for the lady at the desk, because this stuff reeks. It smells like crap (which makes sense, since its compost). But that's the best kind of fertilizer. New life grows from that which is dead.

When I went under the bridge on day twenty-one, Tom (who works at the Rescue Mission) struck up a conversation with Adam, one of the addicts we met, and invited him to come to the mission to get some help. Adam said, "I can't go there. Too many rules, too many people telling you what to do. I don't wanna deal with all that bullshit."

I wondered how Tom would respond. But he calmly said right back, "Yeah, but bullshit is the best fertilizer. You ever grow tomatoes?"

"Yeah."

"Well to get good tomatoes you gotta put up with some bullshit to get 'em to grow. It's kinda like with us. God can even use the bullshit in our lives and get us to grow and be healthy."

I just noticed that there's a tomato on the package. Nice coincidence.

Tom went on to talk more with Adam, but I don't remember the rest. I was floored. I'd never heard someone preach with profanity (although I have fantasized about doing it myself, just never had the courage). But it was one of the best sermons I'd ever heard. New life grows from that which is dead.

I know some might think it would be blasphemous to talk about God and minister to others using profanity. But that's fertilizer.

day thirty-one: receiving

I'm sick.

I'm sinus-infection, head-about-to-explode, hurts-to-cough, every-hole-in-my-head-stopped-up, don't-want-to-move sick.

Today's activity was supposed to be at the hospital, but I couldn't even go into work, much less make a visit to the hospital. Hell, I barely made it from my bed to the couch! So, instead of offering culinary care, today I received it.

I'm not very good at receiving, though. I don't like to show weakness or be vulnerable or ever appear to fail. I always want to be in control, to have it all together, to succeed. I don't like asking for help, especially when I feel like I should be able to handle the situation (i.e. always). It's usually easier for me to extend grace to others than it is for me to receive it, from others or from myself.

So normally I would be freaking out that I wasn't able to do today's culinary care activity. In fact, I was. Even as I lay on the couch this morning hacking up a lung, I was trying to figure out a way that I could still get it done. 

Ridiculous? Absolutely. But this is the burden of my neuroticism. It's taken me a minor life crisis, a low-grade antidepressant, and several months of counseling, but I am learning. I'm learning to receive grace. And today, grace came in the form of simple bowl of soup.

Suzy was running errands this morning and brought me some Mexican chicken and rice soup for lunch. This soup is called different things at different restaurants, but it has shredded chicken, rice, pico de gallo, cilantro, diced avocado, and crunched up tortilla chips in a clear broth. Warm, a little spicy, and just the thing to make me feel better...along with the half-dozen medications I'm taking.

If this cocktail doesn't fix my sinus infection, maybe it will cure HIV/AIDS

This is what really makes me feel better

Just a bowl of soup. Just a day of rest. Just laying on the couch with my son. Just being able to receive all of these good graces.

And, by God's grace, I'll feel better tomorrow.

day thirty: (protect and) serve

The alarm went off at 4:40 a.m. I barely remember getting out of bed and going into the kitchen to preheat the oven. We were baking by 5:00, in the shower by 5:30, and on our way to the jail by 6:15.

We had arranged, through our police officer friend Jeffrey, to take breakfast to some police officers going on duty this morning. Suzy made the cinnamon-pecan ring that we made on day twenty-four (see the link for the recipe), and a breakfast casserole with pancake mix, sausage, eggs, and cheese.

The name is accurate. The sergeant we spoke with told our friend Jeffrey that it was the best casserole he's ever had.

Backstory: Suzy is a serious rule-follower. She can't even fathom disobeying a vocal warning, much less an authoritative sign. The sergeant had instructed us to come to the back door where there are steel columns lining the sidewalk. The trouble with that was that there were huge signs along the drive that read "AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY. OTHERS WILL BE PROSECUTED. NO ACCESS."  Suzy refused to enter. She made me park at the bottom of the hill for 5 minutes as I assuaged her fears of getting thrown in a jail cell with our son. Once we finally made it to the entrance she apologized to every police officer we passed for breaking the rules. But at least we made it in.

Being at the law enforcement center was like being in a different world. You would never know the kind of activity that happens in the wee hours of the morning, as officers get ready to go out. There are so many people who are coming and going, even at that early hour, preparing for a day ahead. 

Because it was so early in the morning, we completely forgot to take any pictures of the food or people. So as we pulled out of the parking lot, Suzy snapped this masterpiece in her pre-dawn delirium. It's supposed to be a picture of some officers standing by their cars in the parking lot. 

All of the officers we met were so thankful for the simple gift of a homemade breakfast before they went on shift. But it was our small way of thanking them for doing what they do. All of them have taken on the responsibility "to protect and serve." Today, we were able to serve them.

day twenty-nine: chicks

I'm always conflicted about giving money to organizations to fight hunger. I want to help, but whatever I do seems like a band-aid on a gaping wound. Sure, my $5 will feed this hungry child this week...but what about next week? Even some of the stuff we've done over these past twenty-eight days have seemed that way - a quick fix, one-time help. But what about the ongoing problem of hunger?

It's an issue that must be addressed at a systemic level. Buying lunch for a homeless person one day at a time is not going to solve the complex problems of third-world economics, food distribution, and the like. But that's not to say that there aren't sustainable and effective ways to combat world hunger. Today we found one such way.

Chicks.

This is what I like to think our chicks looked like.

We bought a flock of chicks through Heifer International, an organization that provides animals to people in poverty around the globe. (Check out our certificate of awesomeness!) Each animal can offer multiple ways to help bring income and/or food to the family that receives it. For instance, the chicks we bought are easy and inexpensive to keep, provide protein-packed eggs to eat, share, or sell, and help control insects and fertilize gardens.

There's no profound meaning to this entry, no quasi-reflective or semi-contemplative point. I just hope that what we participated in today was a sustainable (albeit, small) way to fight global hunger.

fifth sunday in lent

Sundays are the Christian Sabbath, a day of rest, like God's respite after the first Creation.

Sundays are always a celebration, even in the season of Lent, like the celebration of resurrection at Easter.

So today I'm going to rest and celebrate. I'm going to sit and enjoy. I'm going to make time for some relaxation and recreation, as I re-create and revive myself in the hopes that I will find new life.

day twenty-eight: sweet

I haven't been very sweet lately. I've snapped at Suzy, avoided people, and haven't been very kind in general. I get this way when I get stressed, busy, tired, etc. I get so focused on getting everything done - including our projects for this blog - that I forget to relax...and I forget to be kind to those I care about.

Today was a good reminder. I took some sugar-free candy to homebound church members in nursing homes. I went to see Frances, who is a lively lady recovering from a fall and extended illness; Jody, who can barely speak apart from a few grunts or moans; Mary, who can't hear it thunder; Florence, who often doesn't know where she is; Charles, who thinks he is a college administrator who travels the country; Ethel, a precious little old lady who is always so kind and thankful; and Diane, who usually doesn't know who I am.

In each case, I offered some sweet treats: chocolate, hard candies, butterscotch. But nobody wanted any! At best, I got a disinterested shrug and an acquiescent, "OK. I'll take some." None of them really cared about the candy.

What they did care about was the visit. Each of them was so pleased to have a visitor, and to spend just a few moments chatting. I was thinking that the candy would be a good way to show them I cared. But just showing up meant more to them than any gift I could have brought. And they all kept saying something along the lines of, "You are so sweet to come."

I guess today's culinary care didn't depend as much on the "culinary" part, as long as the "caring" was there. And even though I wasn't feeling all that sweet, it's hard not to be with these senior adults.

day twenty-seven: scraps

This morning we received a little culinary care ourselves. Grammy scrounged up the “scraps” in her kitchen to make us breakfast before we headed off for today’s activity. But her “scraps”—ham, sausage, eggs, toast, muffins, jellies, and preserves—filled us full…too full. I would have personally raised the stock value of Pepto Bismol if her fridge had been properly stocked.

This is what was left of her "scraps" after we ate

We sluggishly left and headed to Publix to grab snacks for students at Alexander Elementary School, a project suggested by our friend, Mary Beth, who's an internal auditor for schools in the county.

Alexander Elementary has one of the poorest student bodies of any elementary school in the state. I say, “one of” because 100% of Alexander’s students get free or reduced lunch (the standard measure of poverty in schools), and there are two other schools in SC that also have 100%. So it’s really the poorest, it’s just tied for first…or actually, for last. The schools' social worker, Ms. Gilliland, often sends food home with certain students on Fridays because if she doesn’t, they might not eat again until Monday. The meals they get at school are most (if not all) of the meals they ever eat.

We picked up chocolate pudding, granola bars, and applesauce at the grocery store and put them in bags with a nice note for the students.

Our assembly line in the back of the car

For some of these children, their food for the weekend will be the contents of this little brown bag…scraps, really. Meanwhile, we are constantly overindulged with more than we need. Just what Grammy could scrounge up in her kitchen was more than enough for a meal for four (and we were going to throw out the extra!). But we didn’t even give the students a meal. They got snacks...not much more than scraps.

Jesus was once confronted by an immigrant woman who asked Jesus to help her daughter. He basically said, "Get in line. There's a lot of people to help. The children get fed first, then the dogs, if there's any left over." Undeterred, she responded, "Yes...of course. But don't even dogs under the table get the scraps?" (Mk 7:24-30)

Yes. But for the children at Alexander (many of whose families are immigrants), scraps may be all they get. 

I want to be able to do more. I wish I could offer something greater. But, if I'm being honest with myself, I probably won't. It's not that I don't want to, but even when I am being intentional, even during these 40 days, all I ever seem to be able to offer are the leftovers of my time and energy and willingness to help. It's just a little bit here and there...just scraps.

I pray that as we work in God's kingdom, just as when we cook in Grammy's kitchen, even the scraps of good we do can become a feast for all of God's children. Dogs, too.

*There are lots of needs at Alexander and other schools in the area. Email Ms. Gilliland if you want to find out how you can help. 

day twenty-six: a bright life

"bright" (adj.) - radiating or reflecting light; luminous; shining; filled with light

It also happens to be the surname of Tim, who is married to Suzy's cousin, Jenny. (And it's the header on the website of the organization developed to support them, BrightLife.)

In January of 2010, three months before their wedding, Tim was diagnosed with colon cancer and he's been fighting it ever since. It's been two long years, and he's still fighting...but it's tough. They've tried several different treatments, and he's now started a new cocktail of drugs. He gets chemo every other week, which means that he feels sick about 30-40% of the time. (You can follow his story here.)

This week is one of those weeks. We took dinner to Tim and Jenny, but not just any dinner. Because of the cancer and chemo, Tim is supposed to eat as healthy as possible. Suzy searched for a recipe online and found Black Bean Enchiladas that are organic, vegan, and gluten-free. (The recipe doesn't tell you how to make the sauce, but it's easy - char the tomatoes and peppers on a grill or in a cast iron skillet, then put everything into a food processor.)

I was surprised...

First of all, I was surprised that the dish was actually pretty good, a real shock considering the lack of certain ingredients (e.g. meat) and the inclusion of others (e.g. vegan cheese, which I'm sure would surprise me further with how it is made).

I was also surprised by how healthy the meal was - low sodium, high fiber, lots of veggies and vitamins. It is amazing how unhealthy our "normal" eating can be, and Tim even commented on how his doctor(s) had mentioned the negative effects of our overly processed diets.

And I was surprised by Tim. He looked rough. He sounded tired. But there was still a brightness about him. As we visited and ate, he asked about my work at the church, we talked sports and joked, he played with our baby boy and brightened up his day (and ours, too!).

I've got amazing respect for Tim and Jenny. I can't imagine having to deal with what they already have before they're even thirty. I don't think I could do it. I would be consumed by the darkness of despair.

But Tim and Jenny are not. Even as they walk in shadow, there is a light within them. They have a bright life...and by that light, they brighten others' lives as well.

Tim making our baby boy's face light up

*If you like to play golf (or even if you don't) and want to do something to help others, check out the BrightLife Tee It Up Tournament. You can play, sponsor a hole, donate something for the silent auction, or volunteer to help with the tournament, and all proceeds will go to the Greenville Hospital System's institute for Translational Oncology Research (iTOR).

day twenty-five: (re)phil

I'm beginning to think that I shouldn't even make a calendar for these next couple of weeks. Every time I update it, it changes again.

I didn't want it to today. I didn't want to stop. I wanted to keep driving. I just wanted to keep going on my way, to eat lunch at my in-laws and go for a quick run before making some visits.

But there was Phil, again (we had given him a sandwich on day three), standing beside the road next to Stax's, holding a sign that simply read "Hungry." I really didn't want to, but I couldn't not stop.

After a brief chat in the parking lot, during which I (re)introduced myself, I invited Phil to join me for lunch inside. He was reluctant, but eventually he agreed to sit down with me for a meal. It was really hard to talk at first. I felt like it wasn't just a table that separated us, and the distance between us seemed infinitely greater than width of the booth.

Our lives are so different. I don't even know if we operate on the same terms. When I asked him where he was living, Phil told me and said, "Well, I don't really 'live' out there. I exist. Know what I mean?"

I didn't. My life is so unlike his existence.

As we settled into our seats, though, the distance between us shrunk. The more we talked, the more I realized that while we have very different lives/existences, we share common human experiences - family drama, deep emotional pain, humor and laughter. In fact, I found out that his birthday was just a week ago (only a few days after mine), and the restaurant manager brought us a piece of birthday cake leftover from his daughter's party earlier in the day...a nice coincidence (providence?).

When we finished, I redeemed my Stax's loyalty card, full and ready to be used.

Spend $150, get $15 free.

It seems like I am always having to replenish these cards. But that's the whole idea. You fill it up, empty it, then refill it...much like our struggle against hunger, poverty, and injustice.

Jesus once spoke to some "blessed" ones and said, "For I was hungry and you gave me food; I was thirsty and you gave me drink..." (Mt 25:35). Jesus speaks in the past tense. The feeding, giving, etc. has already been done. And it had with Phil, too. I had already given food to Phil once before.

But I wasn't done...and I don't know if I ever will be. In the service of others, we are always moving from the present tense of Phil's sign ("[I am] Hungry") to the past tense of Jesus' words ("I was hungry"). We are making a present need a past reality as we move into God's future. We are offering a refill.

day twenty-four: a gracious plenty

We have an unbelievable staff at our church (despite even my working there). Our ministers are gifted, caring people who are passionate about their work, and often put in many more hours than they are paid for, doing thankless and often unnoticed tasks.

So when a church member offers a simple act of kindness to say "Thanks," like making breakfast for a Tuesday staff meeting, we get really excited...

...and we eat...

...a LOT.

Today we had a gracious plenty.

Suzy made her mom's Overnight Cinnamon-Pecan Ring, which is usually enough to feed about twenty people. Today it fed five ministers, two assistants, a custodian, and two volunteers.

I prefer the butterscotch pudding. If you double it, make it in a deep aluminum roasting pan.

The finished product. It's like a gas-station pecan swirl on steroids (the size of a small tree...see top left of picture). Yummy.

Today we had a gracious plenty for a group of people who offer plenty of grace every day.

day twenty-three: good intentions

Lately, despite our good intentions, nothing seems to go as planned.

At the beginning of the day today, we intended on taking dinner to a young couple who are struggling with cancer. But good intentions weren't enough today...

As I walked down the street to Coffee Underground this morning (great place, by the way...one of my favorites in town), I passed a guy on a bench. He was smoking a cigarette, wearing old jeans, a ragged looking shirt, dirty shoes, and carrying a backpack. I stopped and offered to buy him a cup of coffee at the coffeehouse. He said, "Actually, that's where I'm headed." And a few minutes after I walked in, so did he.

I had good intentions to be kind a homeless guy. Instead I think I insulted a hipster.

(If you need a refresher on how to tell the difference, check out this video clip.) 

We ended up having to rework our plans to take dinner to the couple because of a young adult church event. (We're taking them dinner later in the week, when we can actually spend time with them.) Since it was such late notice, we thought we would donate to Heifer International instead. But alas...our good intentions were subject to change.

As we picked up ingredients for tomorrow's project at the grocery store, we noticed a small piece of paper next to the register: "Food for Sharing."

Food for Sharing. "Food is Love."

It was surprisingly simple. As we checked out, the cashier just punched in how much to add to our bill ($4.69 for Bronze level, $9.62 for Silver, $14.84 for Gold), and the appropriate items were donated to a local food bank. We went for Gold, which meant the following items were donated:
- Plumrose canned ham
- 2 cans Starkist tuna
- 1 lb Publix long-grain rice
- Publix fruit cocktail
- Publix cut green beans
- Publix grape jelly
- Publix peanut butter

We had good intentions when we started the day today. But we had no intention of doing the good we ended up doing.

So here's the revised calendar of what we intend to do. I'm sure will change at some point, despite (or maybe even because of) our good intentions:

18	19	20	21	22	23	24
	Pay extra at grocery store to donate food to food banks	Make breakfast for ministers at church	Provide fertilizer for Travelers Rest High School organic garden	Make dinner for couple struggling with medical issues	Give out bags of sugar-free candy at nursing homes
25	26	27	28	29	30	31
	Donate money to Heifer International	Take snacks/coffee for police officers	Leave dollars in vending machines	Volunteer at United Ministries	Donate food to Harvest Hope

Sunday	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday	Saturday
1	2	3	4	5	6	7
				Provide  homemade communion elements for Maundy Thursday service		Volunteer at Triune Mercy Center preparing and serving a meal

fourth sunday in lent

Today, we made up for yesterday.

This afternoon - even though we were hot, tired, and very ready to change clothes and relax - we delivered a case of canned pet food to the Humane Society before going home (a good idea given yesterday's non-action).

Right outside the entrance of their new facility

Why hot, tired, and ready to relax, you ask?

This morning we had a big anniversary at our church. We celebrated 90 years of missions and ministries with a morning (read: "day") full of activities, including a lunch and program in our gymnasium, sans air conditioning. It really was an exciting and uplifting day as we reflected on our past and looked to the future...but it was also long and tiring (especially since we spent most of the day yesterday setting up).

I was reminded, however, that my part in the life of this community of faith is just a chapter in its story. I like to think about all of the "improvements" I've made, the ways that I've added to the church, initiatives that I've taken. I want to think that people will remember me and what I have done.

But the reality is, God was working in and through this church long before I came, and will be long after I'm gone. I am just one in a line of ministers and laypeople who have served God's kingdom in this local church. There were many before me who planted seeds that have only now come to fruition. And there will be others down the line who will bring to fullness the possibilities of our present.

In other words, to play on the sign above, love must be embodied, given legs upon which to stand, journey, and serve.

Hope you can help us figure out where the journey of service will lead us over the next couple of weeks. We need suggestions for other projects, and would love to hear your ideas!

18	19	20	21	22	23	24
	Make dinner for couple struggling with medical issues	Make breakfast for ministers at church	Donate money to Heifer International	Provide fertilizer for Travelers Rest High School organic garden	Give out bags of sugar-free candy at nursing homes
25	26	27	28	29	30	31
	Take food to police officers		Leave dollars in vending machines

Sunday	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday	Saturday
1	2	3	4	5	6	7
				Provide  homemade communion elements for Maundy Thursday service		Volunteer at Triune Mercy Center preparing and serving a meal