day thirty-one: receiving

I'm sick.

I'm sinus-infection, head-about-to-explode, hurts-to-cough, every-hole-in-my-head-stopped-up, don't-want-to-move sick.

Today's activity was supposed to be at the hospital, but I couldn't even go into work, much less make a visit to the hospital. Hell, I barely made it from my bed to the couch! So, instead of offering culinary care, today I received it.

I'm not very good at receiving, though. I don't like to show weakness or be vulnerable or ever appear to fail. I always want to be in control, to have it all together, to succeed. I don't like asking for help, especially when I feel like I should be able to handle the situation (i.e. always). It's usually easier for me to extend grace to others than it is for me to receive it, from others or from myself.

So normally I would be freaking out that I wasn't able to do today's culinary care activity. In fact, I was. Even as I lay on the couch this morning hacking up a lung, I was trying to figure out a way that I could still get it done. 

Ridiculous? Absolutely. But this is the burden of my neuroticism. It's taken me a minor life crisis, a low-grade antidepressant, and several months of counseling, but I am learning. I'm learning to receive grace. And today, grace came in the form of simple bowl of soup.

Suzy was running errands this morning and brought me some Mexican chicken and rice soup for lunch. This soup is called different things at different restaurants, but it has shredded chicken, rice, pico de gallo, cilantro, diced avocado, and crunched up tortilla chips in a clear broth. Warm, a little spicy, and just the thing to make me feel better...along with the half-dozen medications I'm taking.

If this cocktail doesn't fix my sinus infection, maybe it will cure HIV/AIDS

This is what really makes me feel better

Just a bowl of soup. Just a day of rest. Just laying on the couch with my son. Just being able to receive all of these good graces.

And, by God's grace, I'll feel better tomorrow.